Sexuality is a truly beautiful yet highly complex aspect of being human. It’s about genuine intimacy, mutual pleasure, and forming deep, lasting connections. However, for those who have experienced sexual trauma (whether physical or emotional), re-engaging with sex can be an incredibly daunting and challenging process.
In this article, we’re going to talk all about reclaiming your sexuality! Finding a way back to yourself and indeed opening yourself up to the potential of inviting someone back into your circle of trust – if indeed that is something you would like in the future.
Let’s explore some ways to navigate healing and rediscover pleasure on your own terms – and at your own pace…
It’s Okay Not to Be Okay:
First and foremost, acknowledge your feelings. It’s completely normal to feel apprehensive, scared, or even disgusted by the idea of sex after trauma. Be patient with yourself and permit the healing process to unfold at its own pace.
You are not broken. So feel what you are feeling and be kind to yourself. There is still hope!
Creating a Safe Space:
- Focus on Self-Care: Prioritise activities that nurture your physical and emotional well-being. This could include exercise, spending time in nature, meditation, or creative pursuits. Dealing with trauma is different for every individual – so try to identify ways that make you feel good.
- Therapy is Your Friend: Consider seeking professional help from a therapist who specialises in sexual trauma. They can provide you with all the tools and techniques necessary for addressing emotional triggers and rebuilding a healthy relationship with your body.
- Communication is Key: If you’re in a relationship, talk openly and honestly with your partner about your feelings. Let them know your needs and boundaries, and be patient with their understanding.
Exploring Pleasure: One Step at a Time:
- Start Slowly: Focus on non-sexual forms of touch that feel safe and comforting, like cuddling or massage. You are under no obligation to move any further or faster than you are comfortable with.
- Self-Exploration: Getting to know your body on your own terms can be empowering. It may be fun to explore your erogenous zones and discover what feels good without the pressure of a partner being involved. This could involve using your hands, sensual lotions, or sex toys such as vibrators. Find your way back to yourself, learn to enjoy your own sexuality, and start rebuilding your confidence from there.
- Open Communication with Partners: Once you feel comfortable, communicate openly with potential partners about your sexual history and comfort levels. Discuss boundaries and ensure both parties feel safe and respected.
Final Thoughts
Going through any form of trauma, whether physical or emotional, can have a lasting impact on our lives. For many people it never quite goes away. But why should you have to miss out on all of the love and beauty and passion that life has to offer? Don’t let them win! Don’t let them control your life, even after the fact.
It’s time for you to learn how to love your body, and enjoy the autonomy you deserve and have every right to. Here are some final thoughts to remember, moving forward:
- Healing is Not Linear: There will be good days and bad days. Don’t be discouraged by setbacks.
- Be Kind to Yourself: Practice self-compassion and celebrate every small step on your journey.
- It’s Okay to Say No: Always have the right to say NO to any sexual activity that doesn’t feel right, even with a partner.
Reclaiming your sexuality after trauma is a journey of self-discovery and healing. Be patient, prioritise your well-being, and remember, you are not alone. With time, support, and the right resources, you can rediscover pleasure and build a healthy, fulfilling relationship with your body and sexuality.
